When Your Divorce Begins – So many questions, where are all of the answers?
How do I get out of my bad situation?
How I do it easily and painless?
When will all of this end?
How can I avoid going broke?
Why is this happening?
How can I have my children?
How do I move on with my life?
How? – Why? – When?
The Answer: Divorce Without Court.
So how do I prepare for a divorce without court and have it come out the way I want it to?
The decision to divorce can be one of the most difficult choices anyone can make in their life. And the divorce process can be one of the most difficult and stressful times you will ever encounter.
Your life changes, and you lose control.
So how do you help people get divorced the right way: with your sanity, your future, your business, and your reputation intact?
You’re asking the right questions.
You’ve heard all the stories of people devastated by divorce. While no one can guarantee a stressless and pain-free divorce, the devastating effects of divorce can be reduced and minimized.
But it will take some learning and effort on your part. It might also require you to look at things in ways you’ve not previously done before. And it take preparation.
“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”
-Sun Tzu, The Art of War
So Be Prepared
To begin the process of getting divorce the right way it helps to address the following question:
Why is divorce so hard anyway?
You know it shouldn’t be too easy; but why so damn hard?
On its surface, getting divorced simply involves:
- A couple now becomes two singles;
- If you have minor children, you just have to figure out how to schedule their time between you and your spouse and who pays child support to whom;
- You divide your property between you and your spouse; and
- If one spouse need some time getting back on their feet financially to begin supporting themselves, you work out some payments to allow that to happen.
Hard, maybe; but why so damn hard?
Divorce typically only involves four issues: child custody (and shared parenting time), child support, property division and possibly alimony.
Again, that doesn’t sound so hard does it?
I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard:
“All you need to do is treat your divorce as if it’s a business transaction.”
Sure, that sounds good, but who in the world can do that? Unfortunately, that advice is a little naïve.
Divorce is not a business transaction. It’s not just a financial transaction.
When you look at the divorce legal process sometimes it can look like it should be a straightforward process, but rarely ever is.
Why is that?
When you get divorced there are two different processes going on at the same time. There’s the legal divorce process. And the emotional marital relationship ending process.
The more these individual processes collapse into the other, the more difficult your divorce will be.
If you could only separate the emotional turbulence of the unwinding of intimate marital relationship aspects from the legal process. Then all that’s left is the rational of splitting money and property, figuring out how to best care for and support your children. So, you can both move on to great new lives.
Why doesn’t this happen?
Reminds me of the old joke (and divorce is NOT a joke):
A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a little friendly banter with the owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.
“So tell me,” says the mechanic, “I’ve been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me..”
“Yes?..” says the surgeon.
“Well look at this,” says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, “I check how it’s running, open it up, fix the valves, and put it all back together so it works good as new.. We basically do the same job don’t we? And yet you are paid ten times what I am – how do you explain that?“
The surgeon thought for a moment, and smiling gently, replied, “Try it with the engine running..”
First – turn off the engine.
The divorce stress engine stops running as hot, when you mentally and emotionally separate the legal divorce process from the marital relationship ending process.